• Tanya Louise

Relationships: BDSM Dating - Is it for you?

Updated: Nov 16







Disclaimer: This post contains a paid link.


Back in 2015, Charity Shops were saying ‘No more Fifty Shades’


Not because there was anything wrong with it, hey I read all three, simply because so many copies of EL James’ novel were sold that they were inundated.


The best-selling novel however made the practice BDSM less of a taboo subject. If you don’t know what it means, firstly...where have you been? But to put it in a nutshell, it is the sexual practice of Bondage, Dominance, Desire and Disapline , Submission and Sadism, and Masochism.


Some long-term couples use it as a way to spice up their love life, but if you’re newly dipping your toes into the world of BDSM Dating, what do you need to know?  It used to be difficult, or at the very least awkward, to find a partner who would quickly admit to being a submissive or dominant, nowadays it's much easier with online dating. 


Firstly, you should remember that the novel romanticised the practice. Whilst it might feel like it takes away some of the spontaneity, when hooking up with a new partner it’s important to discuss and understand boundaries first. PornHub for example has hundreds of free examples which show the different levels and what can be involved.  Whilst filmed for purpose, it's more realistic than the warm and fuzzy Fifty Shades film, so worth watching to see what you could really be agreeing to before you create your profile and start dating.


Femdom Meet is all about power dynamics. Submissive males can be a real turn-on for many women (and for men). Some men prefer submissive women, it really comes down to what you enjoy. 


Sub dating has grown rapidly over recent years. A safe dating site is so important as the site should be good at identifying unwanted behaviours and scammers, but always but your personal safety first.  For example,  never give your personal details to someone who’s messaging you for the first time.  You are paying for use of the site so make sure you communicate through it.  Do not be persuaded to give anyone your telephone numbers, email or address, and if the conversation feels wrong, then politely decline and move on.  There will be other members (literally)

So you've settled on a date - what now? Before meeting it is essential to have a clear idea and to be totally honest about what you’re happy to try and what you’re not, and be 100 % sure your partner is aware.


Always have a safe word, regardless of what you think you might enjoy, when push literally comes to shove, it might not be the case, and remember that you do have the right to change your mind, and once the safe word is said it stops.  Informed consent is critical, and there should be mutual trust and enjoyment with any interaction. Masochism may well involve gaining pleasure from pain, but know you limits. 


With good communication, BDSM can be an essential part of your dating life, so be clear about what you want and you could find the partner of your wet dreams.



Love Tx



Photo Credit: Unsplash



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