We should all stop and take time to self reflect occasionally
Whether it be in a Gratitude Journal, in a note book or on our phones, writing things down often makes them clearer than just mulling over them in your head.
What would I like to stop doing/let go of?
I wish I could let go of the fear that it's back. Realistically that isn't going to happen, nor should it, but some balance would be nice. I have to live the rest of my life knowing it's a possibility. That cloud hanging over me will never go away, however, I need to see it as a reminder to check myself and know my own body and to act should I fear the worst rather than literally raining on every good thing in my life. I understand I need to live for the now, as Maggie Keswick-Jencks, Founder of Maggie's Centres so rightly put it, "Do not lose the joy in living with the fear of dying', but I need to allow myself to enjoy things and occasions rather than think that Cancer is there with me. In some ways, the 'to hell with it' attitude is good. Nobody knows whats round the corner and so I need to appreciate life and enjoy the now. An element of 'What if this is the last time I go on holiday?' or 'What if this is my last Christmas?' will always be there for example, but I need to learn to see this as a positive way to make the most of each situation rather than mourn the loss. I don't mean to sound morbid but I have to put a positive spin on things.
What would you like to start doing moving forward from this process?
I would like to live my life more without constantly worrying. I would like to be able to check my breast area without expecting the worst or thinking its already there before I've even touched it. I would like to start planning ahead without fear of having to cancel because of illness. I need to be able to dream again of a future, cherishing the now without dreading what may or may not be ahead. I need to start looking after me more. I need to exercise more and eat healthily without thinking 'Whats the point'
What have you realised you're already doing that you would like to continue?
I think I'm starting to make more time for the things I enjoy but I need to maintain that. I am learning more to live in the now, not get stressed about the small things because in the grand scheme of things they're not important.
Post inspired by Kathryn Marlow's 'Fear of Recurrence' Course. If you would like more details or to find out how you can take part visit: https://www.facebook.com/groups/fearofrecurrence