So that’s it then, another circuit round the sun.
Another year older. It’s not the growing older that bothers me. As we know, it's a privilege denied to many. No, it’s not that which bothers me, it’s the perception of others. So here's the thoughts of me - an average woman in her 40's
Here’s what I know. I know ‘me’ better than ever before. I know more about the world. I know what I want to do in life. What I like and what I don’t. I love learning and know more about what I want to learn next. Places I want to visit, and places I don’t. When I’m loved and when I’m not, and how to love and treat others. In many respects I'm calmer. I stress less over material things. In other ways I have less patience. I don't suffer fools. I get annoyed at peoples disregard of not only other humans, but of life itself.
I also now know how to look after my body - a body that is technically wearing out (not that I always do) A body which is curvy and womanly, rather than holding puppy fat in the wrong places as it once did.
But here's the thing, what the world sees is different. Don’t get me wrong. There are 100’s, maybe 1000's versions of me out there, because everyone sees someone different depending on their beliefs and what they want to see, but I digress. What the world sees is someone middle aged. Signs of ageing, a few lines here and there.
I’ve done a few small acting bits, but it struck me recently that I’d no longer be cast as the young woman, but her Mum, hell maybe even her grandma. I can’t play the Disney Princess because I’m too old. I'd have to be the fairy godmother. Erm isn’t Kate Middleton in the news for turning 40 - Princess Kate? Women get criticised for having botox and fillers, but life is such that only young looking women are perceived to have any life left in them. That’s partly why we do it, the other half is for us, because we want to look how we still feel inside. Inside I still feel in my 20’s, that is until I’m with someone in their 20’s and then I realise I feel so much older, and I’m envious. The old saying ‘Youth is wasted on the young’ is true in many respects. Imagine having all that energy now - and knowing what to do with it - and all the years ahead. I’d be unstoppable.
You spend years learning who you are and what you want, then when you know, it seems the world has decided you're too old anyway. It's a pity we don’t live until 150, then at least we’d have the time to pursue what we now understand we want. Maybe they could freeze my head like Walt Disney's (after I've had botox of course)
I'm old enough to appreciate the beauty in nature, the changing seasons. I often wish I had a child to tell this to, to teach them my wise ways now I'm old enough to understand why our parents worried when we went out alone. But I don't. Not by choice, but that's another story (buy me a couple of glasses of wine and I might tell you. Buy me a bottle I'll most likely fall asleep these days. And snore)
As it is, I intend to make the most of this next orbit...and the rest. I want to laugh and feel good. I have plans and dreams and intend to chase those which ignite a fire in my soul. Try new things but continue doing the things I’ve found I love - and more of them. Live in the now and try my best to leave old beliefs behind me.
And finally, trust in the magic of another year.
Love Tx